And hes a bigger idiot if he doesnt think hes responsible for whats happening to him now. Which is funny, since weve been telling right wingers that all along. God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. Even if shes annoying, shes more than a hole for him to stick it in, and it would bother me to know my BF had just used another human being as a glorified masturbatory aid. I hate a society that even makes this an issue. 6napkinburger P.S. But even though I led you to believe I didnt want to become pregnant, Im going to have the baby anyway and thereby obligate you to two decades of support.. Im only speaking on speculation, of course, since I was not a part of the situation and only heard about from him. Thats fd. You sound like one of those pro-lifers who are always compelling women to do things against their will. And yes men create children. Theyre the exact same situation, but for some reason, hes scum. SweetsAndBeats I just dont see any part of the circumstance that allows a 40 year old man who was having consensual sex to take the other issues out on his own child by refusing to have anything to do with it. Its probably best hes not in the kids life anyway. Abandoning a child does. Steve, I dont think you should waste your energy getting so fired up about this. Of course my opinion of her is based on the story he is telling you. He should be angry at himself for choosing to take his chances, knowing the possible outcomes. Addie Pray Admirable restraint indeed. I blocked his number, but 2-3 weeks laterhe was calling me from his job, calling me through Facebook, and calling me from a private number. Yes, the woman in question should have been just as involved in making sure she didnt get pregnant as the man. April 9, 2012, 7:25 pm, I agree. That support is not hers. Here are five hard truths every "other woman" should know: 1. Totally personal question, but have you ever been in the position where you had to choose whether or not to have an abortion? She looked enough to bang, though, huh? My ex and I broke up for the first time a year ago. You go to a window and pick one out and take it home with you. Run as if your life depends on it because it does. He says he loves me, doesn't want to lose me, and wants to marry me. LW, your boyfriend is an ass and youre acting like one. Having the right to do something OBVIOUSLY doesnt mean its always a good idea. Everyone seems to assume he didnt use a condom, but nothing in the letter says that. But there is no ensuring that the child is cared for in an adoption. Landygirl, I think we should stop feeding the trolls. But there is a happy ending to this story. This week she contacted him to say she was pregnant. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! I have a really hard time believing that this guy who hates this woman and wants nothing to do with this child had a civil conversation with the baby mom discussing their options, while stating his preference for an abortion. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. He said hes willing to give that support, he just wont be there to actually raise his future child. Are you unable to fathom that although both men and women are responsible for creating a pregnancy, they arent capable of both taking on the same responsibilities during a pregnancy? April 9, 2012, 2:44 pm. There are so many variations on how the parents choices can conflict but no choice after the fact will make it even for both mother and father. Or that the person youve known for two minutes and are now having sex with is being honest with you about anything. Weird question. I think Dan Savage an Santorum have some sexual tension though. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. It merely reduces the chances. I know you may not have that much faith in women based on your comments (here and on previous posts) but just look at what the women on this page have written. Women have two- before sex, and after they find out theyre pregnant. Is that fair, well no, but nine months of growing a baby inside you, followed with birth, breast feeding, ect isnt really an equitable way to split reproduction either. Generally it turns into a bunch of bleeps. But I agree no one should tell anyone what they can and cant do with their own bodies. IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. It really isnt fair, but that doesnt mean we have to make it more unfair. I would MUCH rather this guy walk away now then be stuck with a screaming baby he doesnt care for and end up throwing it off a bridge. In fact, step aside from the situation (my advice to you). Fuck yes, he shouldnt have a choice in that. Translation: men should think before they poke but women can do whatever they damn well please. Tim. The vast majority of parents who have at least a rough acknowledgement of their paternity/maternity have joint custody even if the guys a deadbeat. Reminds me of that one post about a girl's ex boyfriend getting a girl pregnant, but it wasn't actually his, and he was infertile. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. Contrary to what might be implied buy my other comments in this thread, Im not typically a proponent of abortions. Grow the fuck up! Thats why in rear-end situations, the second driver is liable, right? I brought it up, that if *I* was the girlfriend, I would be bothered by this, in addition to his behavior post-conception. We judge people all the time where our judgment has absolutely no effect on the outcome, we arent participants in the issue and no one gives a crap what we think. Why you ask? Hes made a choice. Lets wait to have sex until we have a bigger place. Sleeping without protection with someone who you knew for two minutes ? I think the whole situation is a mess though, & youre 2nd paragraph (She seems proud of his bad-boy ways and his current claim that she is the only woman who can tame him into marriage) is spot-on. SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM!!! The entire letter reeked of entitlement. We have no guarantee that the mother will be as good a single parent as those mentioned in this discussion. I honestly dont believe any of this will ever be an issue for you. Maybe because she wants a tie to the LWs boyfriend. That would be the end of any sort of relationship sex. Trying to force someone to get an abortion? I feel no connection to my biological siblings, even though they desire a relationship with me. I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL As a woman, you have control over that. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. It was definitely his decision too. I dont believe in forcing people to become parents either. The family structure is dynamic and without balance, falls apart. Men are stupid and do stupid things, but so are women. She should have either used additional contraception or not engaged with sex with a man who wasnt actively pursuing fatherhood, because now shes fucking with 2 other peoples lives who do not have an active role in the decision-making process. Shortly afterward we learned that he got the other woman pregnant. I cant help but think just as she has a choice to abort, keep or put up for adoption, he too has a choice and while not admirable, it may be for the best. Ive known people who thought of abortions as no big deal who opted to keep unexpected and poorly timed pregnancies, and people who thought theyd never consider an abortion but who ultimately ended up having one. Might he have continued sleeping with her? I have nothing against casual sex or sex without a relationship, but you should still have some sort of base level of respect for the people you are banging. I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. About Press Copyright Contact us Creators Advertise Developers Terms Privacy Policy & Safety How YouTube works Test new features NFL Sunday Ticket Press Copyright . By this point I had already invested so much in the relationship that I wanted it to work regardless, but no matter how much I tried he didnt want to immediately get back together. Iwannatalktosampson I think both sexes can own that one (although your estimate of what % of children born today are born to single patents is inaccurate). He willingly engaged in sex (apparently without a condom) with a woman he knew for two minutes. We do live in a world where your opinion on one thing may not in fact be the most correct or perhaps their might even be two sides, both reasonable and rational positions to take. April 9, 2012, 5:17 pm. He could be upset (and who wouldnt be) if he didnt want it but she was keeping it anyway. So sad that anyone would think its even necessary to implement such a system. Not good enough. Her body, her choice, he had NOTHING to do with it. But hes 40?! Loved this guy, things were not working out, cos he was fucking around with other girls. What a joke. Oh I definitely agree, a laid back scenario is no more absurd, it really depends on how people take what he is saying. Why? I also think hes kind of a jerk for having sex with someone he cant stand. As well, the LW has no right to call this other woman names, purely because it was the LWs (ex? I mean for fuck sake? The carpenter asks his brother to impregnate his wife via IVF using the carpenters sperm. reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): A That line of reasoning is fine but condescending only for those who never in their entire lives have ever done anything that might have resulted in something unexpected (and unwanted) happening. I think its pretty unfair that women have the choice to abort or not, and the man gets no say in that, not really. Going through the comments here, right on cue, I already record no less than five times that the boyfriend is called scum or scumbag. Two. Sorry to be so long-winded but it happens sometimes. Lets start a familyyou know, if the condom doesnt work. Is the same thing going through a womans mind when she decides to have sex? just my opinion. Her boyfriend has tripped over the third rail of reproductive rights, which is the question of mans obligations towards a woman who has become pregnant by deception. The man should have no say on whether or not she keeps the baby but she should have a LOT of say over his finances for the next 18 years. Its easy to think the guy is a scumbag for not wanting to be a dad. So, therefore, Im not so sure what you are finding so hard to get over about him, and why do you let him keep coming back into your life? caitie_didnt Does this mean, then, that you advocate that every woman who ever gets pregnant must (a) have the child and (b) stay with the father, lest she be scum? However, since the pregnant ex of the LWs ex seems to want the child and seems to know the guys take on it, it is apparently her decision to bring a child into that reality. So go control them all you please. Im quite late to the discussion, but I took a lot of time reading over the comments, trying to make sense of the two sides of the argument at hand. At the point where he had options he chose one that could result in a pregnancy. They arent bad people because of it. Actually no. Oh, good lord. April 10, 2012, 10:34 am. He ordered her to get an abortion? 5. Besides, why would you want to be with a man who is with someone else? Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. .. but what if she did deceive him? If he doesnt think hed be a good dad, he probably wont be. yes he doesnt seem like much a catch, but to say he exposed her to STDs! is a stretch. It is duplicated below. Your body, your choice; however, your choice, your problem. BC. Is it Dear Wendy gender wars with the emotional females leaping to conclusions and bullying the open minded fair males who dare to object to name-calling and double standards? Having unprotected sex is not a crime, but if you have sex without a condom with someone you dont know or trust entirely yet, you need to know that there is the possibility a child could be conceived, either by accident or deception. 1. the baby is not your fault. At least, as a woman, you have that option. This whole thing could have been prevented that way. Is it fair the the woman has to be the one to undergo a surgical, often time traumatic procedure when a man can just move and disappear? Girls can get caught up in emotions and run wild with feels sometime devilish innocent Established Member Established Members My Ex-girlfriend says she misses me. And lo and behold, thats exactly what youve gotten. No. Guy Friday First of all, she seems to think her boyfriends reaction is completely reasonable. Ever look at the clock in your car to check the time while driving (or the radio to change channels, or a billboard)? April 10, 2012, 7:22 pm. This attitude that men become slaves the instant a girl gets pregnant is actually very crazy, in my opinion. Let me show you another scenario (that Im ad-libbing from GirlWritesWhat) following that logic: A woman is severely allergic to peanuts. Im arguing that he should be able to get out of the responsibility in the same way that a woman can get out of that responsibility. lets_be_honest Who are we talking about now? Only the woman did. I think this is a very fair and reasonable response, I wonder if she will think so too. Jimmy and Susie are in love. The letter writers bf is furious at the woman having his child. And to the LW your boyfriend is not the victim in all of this. Dont ever sleep with someone mean or stupid, because if you get pregnant, youre going to be tied to that person for the rest of your childs life. And I was like, Ewww, Mom, thats gross! But it was great advice, and Ive always followed it. female WTF!!! Considering how often it is done on daytime television, I am shocked to find out that a paternity test is so damn hard to procure. And sorry if this is harsh, but JESUS, I cant even be nice about this one. We remained friends with Benefits for months because I wanted too and he said with or without sex, he doesn't want to lose this friendship but I wanted the sex lol I . He is not the end all and be all. Couples break up for many reasons. Medications interfere with birth control, not taking it at the same time and whole other host of reason why she could have legitimately gotten pregnant on birth control. iseeshiny That is pretty much it. You knew he would not or could not be the man you wanted. Its very clear that you care a great deal about the quality of your childs life and emotional well-being. He can be one he better be one- and still be a loyal partner to you. The guy and the woman had sex. There is no inherent unfairness in current laws child support is gender-blind. I actually work in a field that deals with this, and let me tell you, the women who are actually applying for court ordered child support will be lucky to get $400 a month. But if YOU really are so fucked up and so pathetic that you want to build a life with a man who for intents are purposes wants to simply abandon his own child have at it. The decision to have sex is not a decision to have a child, but it always carries that risk. So deal with that. But, of course, this makes him an asshole. April 9, 2012, 12:55 pm, Im sure there are many, many women who would argue that its not all rainbows and butterflies in attaining child support.
Flagler County Inmate Search,
Stihl Fs 45 Drive Shaft Replacement,
Pripyat Population 2021,
Revelation 19 Explained Verse By Verse,
Articles W