How To Respond To An Ex Reaching Out After Months Of Silence - Elite Daily Friendships are funny thingssome of the relationships you think are the deepest are really reflecting more about the intensity of that time in your life, not the genuine depth of the relationship. Will things be better now? The best way to handle this is by understanding the fact that sometimes a text is just a text, says Jaseena. This goes double if you had a true friendship at the center of your bond. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. How else do you handle an ex coming back when there is such a big, unresolved issue?. Youll set your own pace and see if your ex agrees. If your ex contacted you during no contact years after the breakup, you have an important decision to make. . When your ex reached out, your ex was focusing solely on the present moment and merely wanted your understanding, reassurance, encouragement, and compassion. Its much more important that he lets you enjoy your life in peace. He or she controls everything up until the point when he or she suggests a certain type of relationship. These details seem very random, especially when she would send me this out of the blue after so long. I dont think there is a deep hidden meaning here. 8 Things To Do When Your Ex Contacts You Years Later, 4. And I felt much better letting him know how much I'd cared about him during our relationship even though I hadn't expressed that in words well enough back then. When were facing something scary, we do like to hear about people whove survived a similar threat or something even worse. My ex and I are talking again, can this lead to something more complicated? A closure response. In the abuse survivor community, this type of behavior is known as "hoovering." The important thing to remember is to be honest. Lets explore the possible reasons behind an ex trying to make their way back into your life: Exes come back after months. IDK how that benefits anyone in the situation. And also, if youre looking for 1-on-1 help with your ex, check out our coaching page. The inevitable distance between two people in love, the restless neediness of love. Getting an outside opinion from someone can prevent this thing from venturing into the tricky territory of hot-and-cold and help you maintain the blissful life you have been leading since the breakup. How Psychologically Conditioned Rats Are Defusing Landmines, 7 Ticking Time Bombs That Destroy Loving Relationships, The Single Best (and Hardest) Thing to Give Up, 3 Ways to Reclaim Your Hope and Happiness. Reaching out to an ex after months or years later. Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window), Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window), Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window), Click to share on Reddit (Opens in new window), Click to share on Pinterest (Opens in new window), Click to share on Telegram (Opens in new window), Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window), My Ex Is With Someone Else But Still Contacts Me, decide if you want to be friends with your ex, They return because their life doesnt go according to plan, what to do when your ex contacts you years later, when an ex boyfriend contacts you years later, when an ex girlfriend contacts you years later, When A Guy Cries At The Thought Of Losing You. In one job interview, he is asked to name the most significant world event in the last ten years. Whats sad is during a 2.5 year separation period I had no idea how she felt. reg-o-matic 5 yr. ago After close to 20 years, my ex wife reached out to apologize. Perhaps they feel genuinely guilty about hurting you so badly and cant find their peace until you forgive them. Talking to an ex after years can haunt you with memories, so buckle up. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Getting back together with an ex years later is possible. You may hold beliefs about anger, such as: Nice . Since you can never really know why they contacted you, you shouldnt make assumptions about anything. It can be confusing when your ex reaches out after years because you dont know what their motives are. We invested a lot of time in one another so it's nice to learn how the other is turning out. Listen, the messages are very casual and kind of nice but I really don't feel like I have anything in common with this person, it would never occur to me to message him. Perhaps they dont have the energy to get to know another person from scratch, to reach the level of ease and intimacy that you shared. "Crossing the X Date would be unprecedented," Akabas said. Always so grateful. A little bit of backstory, when I was younger I was in the Air Force and stationed at a Air base in another state. Yes, it is very common for exes to get back together years later. In that case, having a quick chat on Instagram wont be such a bad idea. Curiosity mainly. In fairness, you were in your teens when you got together, and they were clueless about relationships. My ex was the dumper and sent an e-mail after 4+ years of no contact. There are some things only you know about your partner. Many a time, people end a relationship in haste without thinking it through. Talking again was good, and I'm happy we did. Just take your time. And if everything else fails, go with your gut feeling when an ex contacts you suddenly. She said, Wow, instant reply. When you know why he or she reached out, youll be able to decide whether talking to your ex is even a good idea. And then he behaved in such a way as if theres nothing to be addressed about how awkward the whole situation is. He or she needed these things so that life (especially health and well-being) could go back to the way they were prior to getting hurt and reaching out for support. That usually means theyve contacted you for some companionship and not for anything serious. I wished him well too. In your mind, it's been a while since you broke up, and in the meantime, it feels like a lot of water has passed under the bridge. Anyway I replied nicely and she was surprised I wanted to even speak to her. Its . Closure takes effort and patience, and sometimes, the wounds wont heal with an explanation. No but an ex reached out to me after 15 years to commiserate because hes stuck in a bad marriage and a bald, portly man now. In addition, we might reach out to friends who have been there before, and dealt with a life-altering event. You havent heard from your ex in years, and theyre contacting you out of nowhere. This is super interesting as information. You dont owe anyone an explanation for not responding. It is okay if he contacts you after so many years. The bitterness, anger, and disappointment buried deep down may rear their ugly heads when this text lights up your screen. The Teaser Trailer For Daisy Jones & The Six Just DroppedHeres Everything We Know SoFar, The Best Dating Sites and Apps: Complete List of the Top Online DatingPlatforms, Best Hookup Sites: Top 30 Free Hookup Apps and Websites for Getting LaidTonight. The most common reason your ex-girlfriend will reach out to ask how you are doing is to make sure you are doing okay because she still cares about you, and loves you as a person. There is simply no need to reconnect with him now that youre married and doing well. And if they dont like what they see, they will start missing you. And I think it's natural for some people to want to. Your heart might start beating faster the moment you get a text from the ex but take a few minutes to think about the consequences if you end up meeting the ex again. 10 Signs Your Ex Is Testing You | How To Respond? He also had trust issues before we got together. The moment you hear from your ex, you probably wont know what your ex wants from you. I feel a lot better then I did then knowing the what ifs., I'm sorry she did not get back to you, I understand wanting to heal a friendship. Reach out because youd like to reconnect to see where someone is at in their life, to share a memory of past times, or offer a show of support and caring. If your relationship went on for any significant period of time, it can be really easy to start fantasizing about how awesome dating is going to be once its over. Both of you have partners, your ex no longer has romantic feelings for you, and theyre hoping you can become friends again. This post originally appeared at Attract The One. I didnt reach out to an ex-partner but I reached out to an ex-friend. We were both in happy LTR's, so there was no flirting or anything like that, but it felt really good to speak honestly and openly. Temper expectations, but reach out if its something you feel you would like to doregardless of the response. It's always best to think your course of action through first, and that includes whether you want to even respond. It may not be worth getting dumped and hurt again. Just the prospect of talking to an ex after years is bound to give you a lot of anxiety. When people are experiencing anxiety and fear about their health and well-being, and uncertainty has become the weather and the climate," they often want to make amends with people from their pasts. There may be many reasons when an ex contacts you years later or out of the blue. #1 Listen To What They've Got To Say Unless your ex-partner was an abuser, listen to what they've got to say before deciding how to handle the situation. He sent me another not long after, again I read it and deleted it. I had never mentioned it to him as since I had miscarried it didnt seem like there was anything to discuss. He didn't know where I moved to. Maybe they are still holding grudges against you and decided this is the right time to serve the cold dish of revenge. Your obligation toward your ex has ended, and it is alright to think of yourself first. He agreed. Many years have passed since you were together, so naturally, youve matured and changed quite a bit. Thank you Zan for your perspective. Like I said, I never reached out to an Ex. On a whim, I looked to see if he was on Facebook. For the past year, I've been letting go of people from my past & focusing on what I want in an ideal partne. I think you did the right thing. Why Do Exes Contact You Out Of The Blue? 13 Reasons! I was unable to provide the support he needed at the time, as I had not healed and wasn't ready to let go of my trauma (my therapist says I didn't want to relinquish the power he had over me - that it was a continuation of the abuse.) I felt that she was just trying to ease her guilt rather than anything else, and it wasnt my job to do that. He has to now find a job in stead. When An Ex Contacts You Years Later, Here's What It's Really Like A few months after his phone call, my family moved again, this time to the other side of the country. hat would hurt him? I look forward to it, Al. Now, she wants to meet for coffee and I cant resist myself because I still need that closure. Some of our newly rediscovered friendships may very well pick back up and grow in their meaning in your lives, as theyll reflect the shared experience of the pandemic anxiety and fallout that is happening as the friendship is heating back up. Remember, friendships are often place-bound or time-bound relationships and their remembered intensity may be reflecting more about the intensity of that period of your life rather than the depth of that friendship. Whatever the bad news, your ex thought youd want to know about it. However, they later got back together and married in 2011. It's a theme in literature, film, TV shows even in the way products are marketed. She said she feels guilty for our relationship (as I was involved with someone else at the time.) Its been several years since you broke up with your ex, and theyve assumed youve got over what happened. Maybe they want you to come to the hospital and say goodbye, or theyre calling to invite you to the funeral. The good thing about it is that you get to decide whether you want her in your life or not. I'll just say I've never seen it work out super well in real life (or, it's worked out but in a way where the ex wasn't actually needed for closure). At the time of our relationship, I was still keeping a lot to myself emotionally. Couple relationshipsthe pains and pleasures, the anxieties and comforts, the craziness and calm. He also has a kid. Wants your help with something. You have to be careful. Exes reach out for a lot of reasons, and wanting a relationship again might be one of them. I read it and deleted it without responding. I didnt feel empowered by her reaching out, just felt sad more than anything else. And if you are in a serious relationship, it is always better to loop your partner in on the little developments on the ex-front. There was a lot of love in your dynamic before, and that may have turned to affection and warmth. I've talked to him a few times and it just seemed like he needed to remember happy times for a bit. You dont need to reply if you dont want to (things could get out of hand). When this no-contact situation casts its shadows on your ex, they will look for opportunities to get in touch with you. The ill-fated lets be friends cliche is still alive and well. Other rekindled friendships will wane and possibly evaporate again, but they will leave the friends feeling better for having connected. However, video calls are especially meaningful when someone is totally isolated or when grandkids or more than one person is at one end of the phone. ), I reached out 1-2 weeks ago (2-years later), got no response. This helps us in two different ways. Do not use it as an opportunity to continue the mud-slinging. I stopped going to the club in case they came again. That something may not necessarily be what you may have been hoping for, but its something only you have. On the contrary, what if your ex got dumped and just wanted to check in on you? An ex could disappear by ignoring you or by ending the conversation and staying out of contact afterward. You never know how valuable your reach-out might be to another. I hope his heart is at peace/ease despite things not going how he may have expected. I confirmed that I had actually found out I was pregnant with his child shortly after we broke up but I didnt abort it. Don't get comfortable and slide back into old habits. I wouldnt bother replying to an ex who dumped me years ago, even if Im unattached. Related Reading: 9 Reasons You Miss Your Ex And 5 Things You Can Do About It. That is, why exactly exes pop up after a breakup in the first place? So, depending on that, choose if you want to keep any contact with your ex. Long time. You already have a family to take care of. The Best Way To Respond To An Ex Asking "How Are You?" - Men's Breakup Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Your ex-partner must have kept a tab on you. I don't think it's reciprocated on my end & I thought not replying would prevent another attempt to be honest. But dont rush into setting a date for a catch-up over coffee. I'd been warm and affectionate with him, but except during sex (we were each others first), I never said I loved him. But your ex cant seem to help themselves and wants to try and drag you down to their pathetic level. As most of the comments say it depends on how the relationship was. Maybe it is best to let it be. You were friends before getting involved in a relationship, and becoming a couple destroyed your friendship. If youre longing to give a friend or an ex a call and you havent spoken to them in years, give it a try! For a person who has been dumped in a relationship, no contact offers that much-required time and space for healing. Some dumpers break up with their partners, enjoy their lives, date other people for a while, and then realize they arent happy. September 8, 2022 by Zan. Three words: Manage your expectations. I think my ex will never contact me after years later. Perhaps you could lend me an ear?. He ended up forgiving me and it was a wonderful feeling, to not have to carry around that burden anymore. However, if youre thinking about getting back with your ex, you must decide wisely. When a toxic and/or abusive ex-partner reaches out or asks to stay friends, they're most likely looking to ensnare you back into the unhealthy dynamic that made the relationship lethal in the first place. Decide whether to reach out to an ex or maintain distance based on She purposely chose to ignore it. He contacted me on the exact date we broke up 4 years ago in february. Remember, when an ex contacts you, you need to be answerable to yourself first. Your Brain's Response to Your Ex, According to Neuroscience If the dumper realizes your worth, he or she could learn to respect you again and make you into the most valuable person in his or her life. She even made accusations towards me after the first month of our no contact to add salt to the wounds. I dont want to bring up the passed too, rather move forward for the sake of everyone involved. Takeaway I took the blame at the end of the year, entirely, when she was seated behind me, I decided to reach out. Theyre literally just checking up on you to see if youre well. The SPIVA scorecard, which allows investors to compare the performance of actively managed funds to that of passive funds in the same category, tells a chilling story. We do not have a friendship, and never had one outside of our relationship. After their first failed romance after yours, they realize that the vision they had of what it might be like to be with someone else isnt all it was cracked up to be. Nah. 12 Things To Remember When You Run Into Your Ex, 7 Unspoken Boundaries For Being Friends With An Ex. It was two years since the end of the relationship this September and I feel like I have wasted two years of my lifetime. Maybe you thought youve made your peace with whatever happened with your ex. I saw my ex post on a facebook page I was a group in. Any normal ex would respect the life youve built for yourself and keep it moving. This is considered breadcrumbing as he was concerned about your health. Don't immediately reply and take some time to think it over to figure out what you ultimately want out of this interaction. A year later one of his fraternity brothers reached out and let me know how he was doing and "he's really sorry for the pain he inflicted, can't you forgive him?" Many exes contact their previous partners years later. Is there space for them if youre planning on letting your ex back into your life? Your ex wasnt committed to coming back. First off, it's good to pause before responding. It was important and felt good. He or she can take their pain and sorrow away and give them what they need to feel safe and comfortable. You get to decide whether to forgive her and alleviate her guilty conscience. Its almost like youve been waiting for me. The humiliation I felt after that made sure I never texted her back again, Aaron, a construction manager, shares with us. He got married but still contacted me for some reason. 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